Sasuke may need help
by Super Nintendo Power
Summary: At the valley of the end, Sasuke gets dragged back by Naruto by... Unusual means. Sasuke gets off excuetion for obvious reasons, and team seven go on a mission with a mysterious jounin. Oh, and trust me... Orochimaru is MAAAADDD. No pairings. yet
1. Chapter 1

I'm writing this out of sheer boredom

I'm writing this out of sheer boredom. Don't expect me to update often. Sasuke will be made fun of, but not to the point where it's bashing… Well, just about everyone will be made fun of occasionally (Including Kyuubi) Also, expect REALLY random things to happen… that makes sense. Finally, everything is Canon up to the Sasuke Retrieval, where something different happens. From there, everything is… different.

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, or anything else I may reference.

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Sasuke was running. REALLY fast. Mostly because Naruto was after him and he needed the Valley of the End for dramatic effect.

"Almost… There…" Sasuke panted as he looked behind him. Big mistake. The idiot Uchiha got hit in the head by a tree branch. He improvised by pulling a back flip in midair, making it look like he meant to do that. Finally! He was there. He jumped on one of the statues, and took out… A magic eight ball?

"Oh great Magic Eight Ball," Sasuke said in a funny voice (Funny as in weird, not Ha ha) "Will training with Orochimaru give me the power to defeat Itachi?" Before the uhh… 'Magic' eight ball could reply however, an unexpected (But completely expected) guest showed up.

"SAAAASSSSUKKEEEEEE!" Naruto yelled, across the valley. Sasuke hurriedly put his magic eight ball away. "Come Back Sasuke!

Sasuke quickly tried to think of a cool comeback, but since he's Sasuke, and people only think he's cool because of his silence, he was out of his league here.

"Uhhh…. Nevah!" Sasuke shouted. "That stupid village made me weak! Those Fangirls would never leave me alone!"

"Huh? They don't have anything to do with this! What do you think this is, bad fanfiction?" Naruto asked.

"Yes." Sasuke said flatly. Naruto considered this for a moment.

"Well uhhh… Don't do that again."

"What?"

"Break the fourth wall!"

"What Wall? I didn't break anything… yet."

"That wall that…"

This useless discussion continued for a while, so long in fact that when Kakashi showed up they were still at it.

"I'm TELLING you, it's not technically a wall, it's a…" Naruto began before he noticed Kakashi. "Kakashi-Sensei!"

Sasuke looked behind him and he saw Kakashi's weird white hair before he blacked out.

Unknown Area (Presumed to be a dream)

"HA HA!" Sasuke yelled triumphantly as a defeated Itachi kneeled at his feet. "I did it!"

"Oh please Sasuke, who is clearly my superior in everyway, can you forgive me for killing off the Uchiha clan?" Itachi asked in a small voice.

"Nevah!" Sasuke yelled as he killed the tortured Itachi right there. "hmmm… Now that Itachi is dead, what do I do now?" Sasuke thought for a moment. "That's right! Revive my clan! Time to go back to Konaha!

Konaha

"What?" Sasuke blinked. Konaha seemed…. Off somehow. Oh well. He shrugged it off and headed to the Hokage's office. He knew he could beat anyone now, so he was going to challenge the Fifth to a fight. Once Sasuke won, he would rule over Konaha, and revive his clan. As Sasuke walked up the stairs, he wondered which girl to have an… uhhh… AFFAIR with first.

"Well, Ino and Sakura are pretty good choices." Sasuke Mused. "Hinata too… Come to think of it, maybe I should pick up some Icha Icha paradise books for some ideas." Sasuke opened the door to the Hokage's office… to find the chair was facing dramatically away from the door. Sasuke wondered if he should leave, because a swivel chair facing away from the door (Especially whenever you couldn't see its occupant's face) was never a good sign. Sasuke decided to beat the crap out of the Hokage, and then worry about everything else.

"Hokage-sama. I want to take over your ru- I mean position." Sasuke said smirkingly. He knew the council would want him to be the Hokage, simply because he was an Uchiha. He noticed that the Hokage wasn't saying anything.

"Hello? Did you die from fright?" Sasuke mocked. To his pleasure, the chair swiveled around…

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" Sasuke shrieked in surprise. Sitting in the Hokage's chair (With hat and robes to match) Sat…

"Yes! It is I, Uzamaki Naruto! The ROKUdaime Hokage!" an older verson of Naruto shouted. Sasuke then realized what was wrong in Konaha. Nearly all of its child inhabitant's looked eerily like Naruto. Then Sasuke screamed as All (At least the hot ones) of his Ex-fan girls crowded around Naruto doing crazy (and oddly cool) things to him.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Sasuke shouted dramatically.

Sasuke's house (End Dream sequence)

"Owwwww… Sasuke moaned as he woke up… and saw Sakura's pink hair.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" Sasuke screamed "WE don't know each other that well yet! Ow!"

"SASUKE! Why did you leave?!" Sakura asked/Exclaimed as she slapped everyone's (least) Favorite Uchiha. (She was just leaning over his bedside waiting for him to wake up so she could slap him)

"I'm Sorry! Orochimaru… Uhhhhh… Threatened to kill you if I didn't run off to him!" Sasuke said quickly, quite proud of his excuse. Sakura paused.

"He's lying. Continue." Kakashi stated, who was apparently reading his porn. Sakura continued beating the crap out of Sasuke. Naruto giggled at the sight of it.

"So…. Why- OW! Am- OW! I in- OW! My room and-OW! Not-OW! The-OW! Hospital?" Sasuke asked between Slaps.

"Well… Hokage-sama wanted you to be executed, but the council forbade it. Something about not planting something… ANYWAY, I needed to seal the curse mark (Again) and I just finished… so yeah." Kakashi said not once looking up from his book.

"YEAH! We sure showed that Snake! Take that Orochimaru!" Naruto screamed while while dancing around.

"3, 2, 1…" Kakashi muttered.

Orochimaru's hideout. (Wherever that is) a few seconds earlier…

"Dang you Uzamaki!" Orochimaru ranted in his scientist get-up . "With my new experiment, which uses should combine this random guy," he glanced toward the random guy, who was wondering what was going to happen to him. "And this Robot thing that doesn't work! Uzamaki, you shall pay for taking my Sas-

"Lord Orochimaru. Can we please get on with it?" Asked an exhausted Kabuto. He had been listening to Orochimaru go on with how he would deal with Naruto. Most of the ideas had been idiotic. (One involved lots of pretty pink ponies, lot and lots of superglue, an Cd-I game system (With Zelda: wand of Gamelon) and a computer with bad Fanfiction on it. When asked what he would do with these things, Orochimaru had told him that he would superglue Naruto's eyes open, and FORCE him to play Wand of Gamelon. However, even Orochimaru isn't that evil, so he gave him the computer with bad fanfics for five minute breaks. When asked what the pink ponies were for, Orochimaru quickly changed the subject.

"Also… Orochimaru-Sama, are you… SURE this will work?" Kabuto asked.

"Of course! This machine," he pointed tot the rusting machine in the background, "Will hybridize this man, with this random Non-working robot."

"There's a flaw." Kabuto spoke up suddenly. Orochimaru looked annoyed.

"What?" he snapped.

'That robot doesn't move on its own." Kabuto answered. "So technically it's a piece of junk."

"That's the kind of thinking that lost me Sasuke!" Orochimaru snapped. Kabuto rolled his eyes. "Anyway! Let's Go!" He pressed the button. The machine began to hum.

"Yes…YES!" Orochimaru said gleefully.

" Hybridizing… Beginning…" the machine stated.

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Orochimaru laughed maniacally. Just then, Kakashi's countdown reached 1 and Orochimaru sneezed, getting Snot all over the machine and subjects.

"Orochimaru-Sama!" Kabuto said in alarm. "That's not good!"

"What's not good Kabuto?" Orochimaru asked as he took out a pink handkerchief.

'This machine, from what you told me, hybridizes EVERYTHING in it." Kabuto said bluntly.

"What do you… Oh. Crap." Orochimaru said.

"Completed." The machine said. Orochimaru turned around to see his new creation…

"Hey. This is like that book I read once!" Orochimaru said. "You said that wasn't possible! You were wrong! Nyah nyah nyah nyah!" Kabuto palmed his forehead, and wondered how he got hired working for this maniac.

Konaha (A little bit later

"Right… Naruto, good job bringing the Uchiha back." Tsunade congratulated Naruto. Naruto smiled that ANNOYING smile that reminded Sasuke eerily of Foxes. All of team Seven (Except Kakashi) were currently in the Hokage's office.

"Well… thanks!"

'Since you did so well, I'm sending all on a B class mission. Your mission is to raid some random thug's hideout disguised as a Club. That place is where many Non-shinobi dirty-deals go down. Also, you're to watch Sasuke. Do you accept?" Tsunade asked Team seven.

"YEAH!" Naruto yelled.

"I'm sure we'll be fine." Kakashi said.

"Well… HEY! You're late!" Tsurnade yelled. Kakashi sighed.

"I'm not that late… this time. I just had to try to find somebody to train Sakura…" _Because the council is still forcing me to spend all my time with Sasuke._ Kakashi thought.

"Hey! What about me? And who are you training?" Naruto yelled.

"You already have Jiraiya, and I'm training Sasuke." _Why do I have to train a traitor? Kakashi wondered. _ Let's just do the mission first.

Sasuke jumped when he realized Naruto was getting trained by a Sannin. Sasuke wondered why neither of the two in the village offered to train him. Sasuke decided to seek Jiraiya out and ask him to train him. _But… I'm a traitor… hang on… Am I regretting what I did? No! I need to be strong! I need to go to Orochimaru!_

"Kakashi-sensei, who did you get to train me?" Sakura asked. She wanted to get stronger. She wanted to show Sasuke and Naruto she wasn't weak. _Not that I'm still into Sasuke. _Sakura thought. _So I can be a Ninja. Sasuke… I can't believe you turned out to be such a jerk!_

"I'm sorry. Everyone's busy. I tried, but everyone is either on missions, or training someone else.

"Oh… Okay." Sakura said.

Tsunade coughed. "Back on subject. Since this is a pretty difficult mission, I have asked another jounin to accompany you. WHERE IS HE?!

Hot Springs

"ACHOO." The sunglasses wearing Jounin sneezed. "Someone must be talking about me."

"Don't you have a mission right about now?" Jiraiya asked. They were currently on top of a building that had a very nice view of the female area of the hot springs.

"Nah. Kakashi's always late." The Jounin stated as he adjusted his telescope.

"You do realize Tsunade only asked you come along because of the Uchiha right?"

"Yeah. arrogant son of a- Oh shoot." The Jounin looked at his watch. Jiraiya looked worried.

"What? They saw us?"

"No. This should be a good scene in the next Icha Icha. Send me 5,000,000 ryou.

"Huh? Rockstar, wait!" Jiraiya yelled before Rockstar ran away. Jiraiya shrugged and took out his notebook. Suddenly, the ground began to shake. All the girls looked at each other with WTF expressions. Then…

Rockstar's idea became clear. Jiraiya knew it would put a little more comedy in his porn novels. Apparently, Rockstar had somehow held back much of the spring water, probably with a jutsu. Then, he must have released it. The result? A flooded hotspring… And several nude girls on the street.

Is this the end of the chapter? Who is Rockstar? What's Orochimaru Planning? And WHY was Sasuke looking at a magic eight ball? Tune in next time for the next episode (Chapter) of Sasuke may need some help!

Next time… Team Seven meets an old friend… Sasuke gets really confused ( Trust us, that's common) and Orochimaru's new creation fights everyone's favorite Uchiha! Until Next time!


	2. A old Friend A Monster and a figh

Right… No one seems to have reviewed so… Let's go

Right… No one seems to have reviewed so… Let's go!

_Last Time… On Sasuke may need some help!_

_Naruto starts Sasuke on a useless debate on the 'Fourth Wall.' Kakashi shows up and drags Sasuke back to konaha. Orochimaru gets mad, and creates a new experiment, using unknown technology. Sasuke, being Sasuke, got off from execution, and he is going on a mission with the rest of team seven, plus a mysterious Jounin. What will happen? Read on and find out!_

Someone crashed through the window in a slightly cliché way. Naruto and Sakura freaked out, Kakashi got ready for a fight, Tsunade already knew who it was, and Sasuke… Well… Let's just say he needed to change his pants. The Jounin waved his hand.

"Sorry I'm late. But I had to… Uhhh… stop… a random, S-class missing ex-Konaha nin with red eyes who is a part of some demon-sucking organization!"

"…" Everyone said. Rockstar sweatdropped.

"I was referring to the most Pwnsome nin this village ever produced?"

"…"

Rockstar sighed. "He killed off his family, became a ANBU at thirteen?"

"Uhhh…. Sheik?" (1) Sakura guessed.

"Uhhh… Bob the Bodybuilder?" Naruto guessed.

"Chuck Norris?" Sasuke guessed.

"No. No. and… You were close. Actually I was referring to somebody else entirely, but that's not the point. Anyway, now for my introduction sequence! Theme Music!" Suddenly, a HUGE stereo system dropped out of nowhere, and began playing 'We Will Rock You."

"Wha?! NO! You Idiot! That's my brother's! TRACK NINE! TRACK NINE!"

"Huh? Oh sorry sir!" Everyone blinked. The Stereo system actually TALKED. They were even more amazed as 'Rockstar' (Wow, he has his own theme song) played.

"YO! I am Rockstar! The most Pwnsome Ninja who ever lived! I like to Bash people on the head with my guitar, laugh at Everyone when they are trapped in my ultimate Genjutsu, and this song!"

"_Hey, Hey, I want to be a Rock Star"_ Rockstar imitated. "Huh? Where was I? Oh yeah, I hate bad fanfiction, particulary crap like YAOI or anything like that! I also hate it when Jiraiya asks for me help for his research! Mostly because he offers such a lame price…"

"Huh? What do you do for Ero-sennin?" Naruto asked.

"Well… I do help with the stuff he would have to try harder to get... Like… well, basically the Sex scenes but I won't go into details of that. Anyway, my hobbies include singing, having fun, making fun of people I hate, and… well, I guess I'll put using my ultimate Genjutsu on people."

"Right… Thanks… for that totally unnecessary introduction. Tsunade said. Now… this team needs to know of your skills. PLEASE don't be a MS!

"Guys… You may have forgotten, but we already swore not to break the fourth wall, even if we do it indirectly." Kakashi said as he flipped a page in his book.

"Aaaahhh. But there is much you do not know young Padawan." Naruto said in a spooky voice. "You broke the fourth wall by telling Baa-chan she was breaking the fourth wall. I doubt the readers would have noticed what those letters stood for if you didn't… Ow!"

"Shut UP!" Sakura hissed. "Do that again, and I'll…

"Can we PLEASE stop the Star wars references, and all the fourth wall breaking?" Sasuke asked.

"You don not the power of Fourth wall breaking." Rockstar said eerily. Sasuke slapped his forehead.

"Can we PLEASE get back on topic?" Sakura asked.

"Oh… Right. ANWAY, my Kenjutsu sucks basically. My taijutsu is okay. My Ninjutsu is exceptional. And my Genjutsu… IS SO PWNAGE!"

"What does that mean anyway?" Sakura asked to no one in particularly. Rockstar snorted.

"Like I would know." Tsunade sighed.

"Okay…. Rockstar. I don't know WHERE you came from, but I promoted you to Jounin simply because of your reputation. JUST SHUT UP and do the dang Mission!"

"Right…" ANYWAY, We're going! And may we not run into any Snake Morons!

'3,2,1…" Kakashi muttered. Naruto frowned.

"Huh? He did that last chapter to. I wonder… AH!" Naruto just dodged a punch from Sakura. Tsunade sighed. She hated her job.

Rand Location

"Achoo." Orochimaru sneezed. "Kakashi and his horrible habits of counting down, well I'll show him…"

"Orochimaru, you're rambling again." Kabuto pointed out.

"Well, of course. It's what I do best!" Kabuto sweatdropped. Now… I shall send my creation to destroy the Kyuubi container and take what is rightfully mine!"

"All that money you spent when you lived in Konaha on life insurance that basically didn't help you immortality goals at all?" Kabuto guessed.

"Well… that too. But Sasuke is my first prioty! KuKukukukukukukuku…"

"I hate that laugh…" Kabuto muttered.

"What was that?"

"Uhhh… I mean… I hate… to take… a bath?"

"That's good. You're truly becoming evil kabuto!"

"…"

The Mission location

"Here's what we do." Kakashi said as he briefed team Seven (And Rockstar) "basically, we go in as soon as it opens…"

"No Good." Rockstar interrupted.

'Why not?"

"It's a place for DIRTY DEALS. If we just walk in when No one's there yet, that'll seem off. We'll seem like tourists… or something. And Tourist's tend to get attacked. Remember, there are possibly a few Missing nin's here."

"Good point… All right. We'll go in two hours after it opens. We're hoping to crash the entire place, but our main target, is this guy." Kakashi handed them a photo of some short guy in a tuxedo. "We'll all henge. Me because I'm famous, the kids" -Kakashi ignored the glares- "Will turn older. And Rockstar… Well, don't you have a record for causing numerous bar fights?"

"Well. Yeah. But I'll go as myself. I like to work solo anyway. I'll see you guys later." Rockstar turned around and disappeared. Team seven looked at one another and shrugged.

Two hours after the place is open…

"So… Itachi. What are we doing here?" Kisame asked his partner in crime.

"Well, that annoying Hunter-nin from Mist is getting a real pain in the… Oh know. He followed me." Kisame looked confused.

"Huh? Why would the Hunter follow you spe-" He caught sight of what appeared to be Itachi, only dressed in a tux, and didn't have a pony tail, wandering around. "Your brother!? What's he doing here? I thought this place was for adults only!"

"If you didn't notice, he is henged to look older. This could be a set-back… a an advancement." Kisame looked confused.

"How so?"

"Sasuke is on the target's team. If he's here… There!" Kisame looked, and there appeared to be a whiskered Yondaime Hokage flirting with some girls in the corner.

"Right… But they could have back-up. Didn't you brother try running away to that Snake moron?" For some strange reason, a random cardboard box shifted. (2) Kisame noticed this, but decided not to say anything.

"He did. They must have sent someone to specifically watch hi- oh shoot."

"Who is i- ROCKSTAR! That guy! That guy who's true purpose in this story is yet to be revealed?!"

"Stop that. And yes."

Kisame swore. "Dang. That genjutsu of his… it's not nearly as… potent, as everyone says it is right?"

Itachi frowned. "His signature Genjutsu… it doesn't torture, it does something much more… Rockstar. Anyway, with him here, if we're going to snag the Kyuubi, we better do it fast."

Kisame frowned.

"Is it just me, or is that the hunter who was chasing us earlier? And why is he in a dress?

With Sasuke…

'So bored… He muttered as several giggled at him. "I hate that sound… What… My hatred senses are tingling! What do I hate… it must be the fan girls. Stupid whores…" He suddenly bumped into someone in a flowery pink dress. (Let's see, who do we know, that wears something like that?) "Oh. I'm sorry." Sasuke said as he moved out of the way of the girl's way.

"That's okay…" the 'girl' said as she took her senbon and threw them at Sasuke's neck. He fell over and poofed back to normal. The 'Girl' blinked.

"He's… This is… Oh crap." He (Wow, didn't see that coming did ya?) stated before all heck broke lose.

With Sakura

"Sakura! Get Sasuke and remove those needles! I'll will handle it!" Kakashi said as he prepared his sharingan. Sakura dragged Sasuke's body out of the way as all heck broke lose. Basically, Rockstar dissed some random drunk dude, who inevitably started a fight. Sakura spotted the target, and with a well aimed shuriken, killed him.

"_Mission complete!_" She thought happily; glad to be helpful on such an important mission.

With Kakashi,

"All right, who are you? And… If I may ask… why are you in a dress?

"Well… Don't feel like answering… the first one. I'm in the dress because it looks good on me, don't you think?" the youth said smilingly at Kakashi. Said Ninja sweat dropped.

"Okay… Why did you stab Sasuke?"

The (Extremly girly) Boy smiled that… incredibly girly smile of his. What is this guy's problem?!

"Well… he looked like my target… I can't tell you how irritating this is." The boy sighed.

"Wait… You're Hunting ITACHI UCHIHA!" Kakashi exclaimed. "Why?"

"I was hired."

"Ah. So you're rouge."

"Pretty much Kakashi."

"So you know my name."

"Don't we all?"

"You're definitely sarcastic aren't you?"

"Well…. Yeah. You know to much. I have to kill you."

With Itachi

"Wow. WHY is that guy… Dressed up like THAT?" Kisame complained. "That… dress… that's makeup too! And the worst part is… HE'S GORGEOUS! I'M NOT STRAIGHT ANYMMMMOOREEEE!!"

"Were you ever?" Itachi asked. Kisame glared at him. "Anyway, where's the Kyuubi container?"

A few minutes ago… (Before Sasuke ran into Mr. Girly but after Itachi noticed him.)

"There's this idiot, his name is Sasuke, and he goes up to the cashier and says-" Naruto's joke was interrupted by a Rockstar, who was apparently doing things, his way.

"ARGH!" Rockstar yelled as he lost even more Ryo than before in his poker game. "My precious wallet… That's it!" I challenge you all to a random contest! The rules are simple: Somebody random in the vincinity sets a challenge, and we complete it! YOU!" Rockstar pointed at Naruto. "Set a challenge!"

"Okay…" Naruto, caught by surprise thought for a while. He then lit up. "I got it! There's this girl with pink hair in here. If you manage to hit on her and get beaten, you fail. If she blushes, 5 points. If she kisses you, that's 100. If you… get laid, then you automatically win. You have… all night. Go!" Sakura, Over hearing this, Got mad and punched Naruto out the door. The other guy immediately went to hit on Sakura but… get beaten. Rockstar had a few parting words for this man.

"If you try to hit on a woman for a contest, you are an idiot. They aren't toys… _for you anyway"_ Rockstar said/thought as he uhhh… 'Entertained' The girls Naruto was with earlier.

"Owww…" Naruto muttered. Then something green landed in front of him. He looked up… and got ready to fight this monster.

Present time

"AHHHHHH!!" Naruto screamed as he flew throught the wall. Kakashi tried to catch him but mister girly caught him first. Suddenly, Naruto's mysterious flight became clear. Up through the hole in the wall came… a man made out of snot. I'm serious. Kakashi blinked. The monster roared and came towards Naruto. As soon as the people realized that a giant monster made of SNOT was attacking, they ran for their lives. Itachi frowned.

"Kisame. We must fight that thing! It wishes to harm the Kyuubi container!" Kisame nodded and and reached for his sword.

Naruto

Naruto was losing conscious fast. He opened his eyes briefly and saw someone he thought he would never see again.

"Haku…"

_Is this the end for Naruto? Will Itachi and Kisame stop the monster made of snot? How is Haku alive?Find out in the next episode (Chapter) of Sasuke may need some help!_


	3. Metal Gear Booger Pt 1

Right… You guys either A) Hate me and my story, B) Are to lazy to review, or C) hate the fact I can't write very well

Right… You guys either A) Hate me and my story, B) Are to lazy to review, or C) hate the fact I can't write very well. I don't have one review! Maybe it's because Sasuke's a Dork? Or maybe… I just forgot… THIS!

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or really witty Cameo appearances. There! Now… On with it!

_Chapter 3: Wait… Metal gear Booger?!_

_Last Time, Our Hero's successfully assassinated the nameless target (he had no purpose in the story. Rockstar apparently started a bar fight, and Orochimaru's new 'Pet' attacked Naruto. Itachi and Kisame, who were in the vincinity, thought it was in their best interest to save the Kyuubi Container. Oh, and Haku's still alive and Sasuke's laying on the ground like the worm that he is. (In this fic anyway) _

"Itachi? Kisame? We don't have time to fight you…" Kakashi began.

"Can it Cyclops." Kisame said as Kakashi… canned it.

"Hey guys what's going on… here… Wow." Rockstar said as he finally realized something was wrong and came over. "This is like the time… well, I can't think of any witty things that would make Naruto fans LOL so'll I'll shut up. Tell me when you beat it!" Rockstar said as he sat in a chair and fell asleep. Everyone sweat dropped.

"Uhhh… Guys? Sasuke may need some help." Haku pointed out. (Finally, the title actually plays a role in the story!)

"Yeah thanks… Wait a minute! Who are you again?" Kakashi asked suspiciously.

"Let's see… I'm…" Haku was cut short as the monster roared.

"HAHAHAHAHA!" it laughed while spraying snot on everyone present. Kakashi saw Sakura had already tried attacking the thing, and she was now stuck onto its back. (And Unconscious, but she's not important in this Ark anyway so… Yeah.)

"So… Who… and what…. Are you?" Itachi asked thinking he was the only one to have any sense in this group.

'I am… Booger! I serve Orochimaru! I am here to kill Naruto!"

"Okay…" Kisame muttered. "I'll just…" Suddenly, Kisame made several hand seals, and since their wasn't much water to work with, he used Sake instead. He formed it into his huge shark thingy, and the Shark-thingy attacked the Booger monster. And…

"It didn't do anything?" Fumed Kisame. "What is the Author's problem?

"It didn't do anything because that wouldn't be a good ending. And he suffers from lack of sleep." Haku said intelligently. Wait, how'd he know that? Uhhhh… Never mind.

"You fools!" The Booger monster shouted evilly.

" Couldn't he have said something more original?" Kisame asked Itachi. Itachi shrugged.

"Meh. Most villains are like that."

"Okay… Wait, what about us?"

"We're awesome. We have fanbases! And mine is much larger than yours."

"Just because the Manga is centering around Sasuke Nowadays-"

"ENOUGH!" Booger monster roared and everyone fell silent. "Now. My story. Long Ago, Orochimaru managed to find a Island hidden by some random government. On it, he discovered the some machine that was pretty powerful. So he took one of these machines and inevitably crashed it. So, Orochimaru had to fix all this Nuclear Crap, and Orochimaru finally managed to get a few things working. So, he somehow built a Hybridizer… thing and tried to hybridize me and these Robot pieces… when he sneezed, probably because someone was talking about him, and got his boogers all over me. So… I was combined with some Pieces to a Nuclear giant robot, and some Boogers. Whoever thought me up has a screwed imagination. SCREWED! That means you mister! That's right! Author! Prepare to fail…" And the Booger monster continued to rant on how the author was such a bad author and he deserved to die. Everyone sweatdropped, wondering how they were supposed to believe this riduclous story. Suddenly Kisame jolted.

"Oh #&." Kisame whispered. "Itachi, you know what those machine parts where?"

"No. What?" The Uchiha asked his partner.

"We need to beat him." Kakashi said simply. "To save Sakura." Who was still swinging on the Booger's back but… let's not go into details about that.

"… I'll help too." Haku said suddenly. "For Zabuza-sama if no one else.

"Well that's good to know- HOLY #!" Kakashi yelled. " YOUR HAKU!"

"Hey that's right!" Kisame said in amazement. " I suddenly remember you now! Your that kid Zabuza was always bragging about… but didn't you die, like… in season 1?"

"That's not Important." Haku said shortly. "Tell us what you know about the machine parts."

"Well, it's more of a guess but… Well, something weird happened a little while ago."

"Huh?" Itachi said displaying confusion.

"Yeah. When we were talking about Orochimaru I saw a cardboard Box twitch."

Itachi frowned. "But that would mean…" Itachi's eyes widened. "THIS IS A NARUTO FANFICTION! SET IN JAPAN! THE AUTHOR HAS NO RIGHT TO USE SUCH IDIOTIC CROSSOVERS LIKE THAT!"

"Huh? I'm still confused." Kakashi stated.

"Well, I guess I kept you waiting huh?" A familiar voice said as he rose from his cardboard box.

"You… Your…" Kakashi stuttered.

"Kept ya waiting huh?" Solid Snake said.

_Why is Snake in Japan? Why does everyone break the fourth wall? What is Booger? And why is the chapter ending so crappily? Find out next time on the next chapter of Sasuke may need some help!  
_

_A/N: I'm sorry._ I can't write. This is going to be part one of chapter 3. Hopfully I'll finish the rest soon… Anyway, hopefully someone's reading this! Now, about the pairings… I don't want to reveal them just yet. I think putting Pairings down in the summary drives away readers, and even if they don't like the pairing… they still like the story! Anyway, I'm done for now. See ya!


	4. Metal gear Booger Pt2

No reviews… Still

No reviews… Still. Now…. Next Chapter is a Parody I'd like to write, but I'd like your Opioin on it. Yeah, it's not Story Related. But Sasuke is Idiotically Heroic in that and Stuff. Yeah, it's to celebrate the Fifth Chapter. So tell me what you think, and if it's received well, I'll think up new chapters and post them on here somewhere. About this chapter. I'm SO sorry the first Ark (It's not even an ARK! It's just a mission) was so Horrible. I'm not even done yet, and I hate it. STUPID, STUPID. I need to put more of an effort in these things. Anyway, the main antagonist is completely original, as is his Lackeys, (Who show up later, and I must say, I actually LIKE these guys) He should show up sometime after the Filler ark in which Rockstar has to help Sasuke- Oh wait. I don't want to ruin it. Grins I'll tell you this though- The Akatsuki are actually AGAINST this guy. For reasons only I know. Muhahahahaha… Once I get there, you'll know. Also, DOES ANYBODY like this? I don't have any reviews… Ah well. Probably because of the Crappy chapters. I PROMISE I will try to put more effort into these things. One last Thing. There will be quite a few cameos. Forgot to mention that earlier. Now… FINALLY ROLL!

_Chapter 4_

_Last Time, Kakashi, Itachi, Kisame, and Haku attempted to prepare to fight Metal Gear Booger. Rockstar was basically drunk and needed rest. Everyone else is out cold. Kisame's attack didn't work, due to the fact that wouldn't have been a good ending. Just when everything seems Bleak (Kinda) SOLID SNAKE shows up. WTF? Where'd he come from? _

"WTF?" Kakashi said in awe. "Where'd he come from? _Hey, I said that!_

"Now, I'm bet you're all wondering WTF? Where'd he come from?" Snake said retechorically. Everyone sweat dropped.

"I just said that..." Kakashi muttered.

"**AS Did I" **The Omnipotent author boomed out but then realized his mistake and wrote that everyone suddenly had a lot of earwax, and couldn't hear.

"Okay…" Kakashi muttered as he cleaned out his ear. "Just what are you doing here Snake?"

"Oh yeah. Well, some guy stole a heck of a lot of Metal Gear stuff so konam- I mean the Colonel, sent me to make sure the guy who took them dies." Snake said simply.

"Okay… Now… FINALLY LET'S FIGHT!" Kisame yelled. Itachi flashed his Sharingan. Kakashi readied his Kunai. Haku made a hand sign. Snake took out a Bazooka, and prepared to fire. Metal gear Booger… Was snoring.

"Huh?" Everyone asked simituanouely.

"Eh? What's that?" Metal Gear Booger sat up again. "Sorry. Didn't do anything yet this chapter."

'That reminds me-"Kakashi began but Kisame interrupted.

"NO! WE GOT SIDETRACCKED ENOUGH! I JUST WANT TO KICK THIS GUY'S (Cussing deleted)" Kisame screamed.

"Naruto, Sasuke and Sakura are fine. I saved Sakura when No one was looking. You know, that part last chapter were I didn't say anything?"

"Oh yeah… Anyway, let's commence… FIGHT SCENE!" Kakashi yelled. Instantly a stereo system (Probably due to Rockstar, but no one is sure) fell out of nowhere, and started playing "Devil's cry in your Heart" (Courtesy of Super Smash Bros brawl) and…

"Oh Dang it!" Kisame yelled. 'Itachi, this catchy tune suddenly made me remember that we were going to have a Super Smash Bros Brawl tourney with the other members of Akatsuki!"

"…" Itachi said.

"Yeah" Kisame said enthusitcally. "Last time, Zetsu got lucky. I swear, if he wasn't Sonic, whose final Smash is actually good- If I just unleashed Great Aether on him, he would've felt the pain!"

"Meh. I prefer to play as Fox. Sonic sucks. He's a Sega character."

'Don't diss the hedgehog!" Kakashi said randomly. " I like Dedede. He's strong… and stuff."

"Do I even have to tell you?" Snake muttered as he put away his Bazooka. (For now)

"I like Samus." Haku said thoughtfully. "We have something in common."

"Gender issues?" Kisame guessed. Kakashi sniggered.

"Yes." Haku said dreamily. (And with Hearts in his eyes) "She… is so awesome." Everyone sweatdropped.

"I liked to play as Lucas." Metal Gear Booger said. "Before Orochimaru-sama turned me into this… Now he won't let me touch his Wii!"

"Who did Orochimaru like to play as?" Haku asked interestedly.

"For some reason, Zelda. He said that changing Genders was an admirable feat…"

"THAT SONUVA-" Kisame yelled. Itachi glared at him.

"Shut up. Orochimaru is a nOOb. So quite naturally he thinks Sheik is a guy."

"Well... yeah I mean, who would think that?" Kisame asked. "Anyone who finished OOT would know…"

"No spoilers please!" Kakashi interrupted. "We all know that Sheik is really a girl, but the question is, can she grow male parts?"

"But she doesn't." Haku said reasonably. "Where's the proof that the Triforce of Wisdom could change someone's gender?"

"Wow." Itachi said. "We completely picked apart one of the most idiotic Zelda debates in History. We are so awesome!"

"Glad to Help." Metal Gear Booger said smugly. Everyone else nodded.

"Anybody else find it weird that we're all into videogames?" Kakashi wondered.

"Not really." Haku shrugged.

"Anyway… come to this website to pick apart more idiot Zelda debates! And other Nintendo Series!" Kisame yelled. Suddenly, this flashed across the screen.

/Forums

"Lol, Advertising." Itachi said. Kakashi's eye's widened.

"But… that site… this is Nsider2?"

"Wasn't nsider1 shut down because Nintendo got lazy or something like that?" Haku asked.

"Yeah." Metal Gear Booger nodded.

"Yeah, and also check out Legend of the Wii Sword! Which is a pretty good fanfic by the way." Snake said as he closed some random computer down and walked over to everyone else, thus explaining where'd he been the past few minutes.

"Okay… Now can we fight?" Metal gear Booger asked. "Orochimaru-sama promised to get me Xbox-720 if I killed you guys!" MGB complained. He suddenly noticed everyone was glaring at him. "uhhh…. What?"

"You want." Haku said simply. "A system, that countless Nerds worship cuz' it's Pwnsome and L33T because of its awesome graphics, and Unoriginal games."

"Uhhh… yeah." MGB said nervously.

"… Prepare to die." Snake said. Then, he did the most anti-climatic thing anybody could do. He jumped up, buried a grenade in MGB's boogers, jumped OFF, and then he exploded, and died.

"… All that preparation, Buildup, Idiotic debates, Possibly Illegal advertising, a stupid cameo, AND THAT HAPPENS!" Kisame Shrieked.

"Look on the bright side." Itachi said pointedly. "We can go and beat the Crap out of Hidan on SSBB now."

"That's right." Kisame said with an Evil grin. "See ya later guys!" The Akatsuki Duo left.

"Well, I'll be leaving to. Have to kill Orochimaru and all that." Snake said as he got back in his cardboard box and… slid away. Kakashi sweatdropped. Then realization hit him like a ton of bricks.

"Holy (Word Deleted)" He screeched. "Kisimato-same is going to be P.O'Ed if that happens! Snake is going to ruin his storyline!

Japan (Our Universe)

"Hey… that wasn't supposed to happen…" Kisimato (the guy that created Naruto) Murmured I was hoping the next few thousand chapters to focus on Sasuke."

"Well, then you should just name the Manga 'Sasuke' Kisimato-Sama!" Some random assistant called out.

"Are you nuts? Everyone Hates Sasuke! This is my revenge on all Manga fans!" kisimato laughed evilly as dark storm clouds came over wherever they make Naruto manga.

Somewhere else…

Megagamer finished his last touches on his less-than Popular Fanfiction. He wondered briefly where the Kisimato part came from but then he dismissed it. He then began thinking up awesome ideas for the next chapter, which is a Legend of Zelda parody titled "The Legend of Hinata." It was a long shot, but Megagamer got bored easily and could hardly ever write over 2000 words. He hoped it would interest enough people to read his fanfic. He was considering writing an actual story about "The Legend of Hinata" But if nobody likes it… he wasn't going to do it. He then began thinking up HOW to explain Haku's mysterious reappearance.

Back at the Narutoverse (Megagamer Edition)

Everyone (Including Haku) was at the Leaf village. That included Rockstar. He stood there staring at the Hokage.

"Okay rockstar." Tsunade began. "Due to your recent mission, you failed to help your teammates, even when they were in danger. So quite reasonably, this is a mission the council came up with. You HAVE TO DO IT. The Mission is-"

Team Seven bridge

"WHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!" a voice screamed. Sakura covered her ears.

"Was that Rockstar?" She asked.

"Seems like it. Bet he's receiving punishment for not helping on that mission." Naruto Chortled.

"…" Sasuke said.

"Why am I even here?" Haku wondered.

"Because, you conveniently couldn't remember how you were still alive, so the Author officially has a plot hole now!" Naruto said enthustically. Sakura hit him on the head.

"Baka! Don't break the fourth wall!" she hissed. Haku couldn't help but smile at this exchange. Suddenly, Kakashi appeared!

"AH! Your 1 hour and 59 minutes late! YOUR NOT KAKASHI!" Everyone yelled. Kakashi checked his watch and his eyes bugged out.

" YOUR RIGHT! NOW I'm A FAILURE!" He sobbed. Everyone sweatdropped. He brightened up in an instant. "I just remembered! According to the book to being a late guy, you're late, if you have a good reason to be late! I was at the Hokage's. She's assigned Rockstar a mission that will probably affect all of us.

"Why? Is he being assigned our tempory sensei?" Sakura asked.

"Is he going to show me some of his Erojutsu?" naruto asked.

"Is he really Chuck Norris?" Sasuke asked. Everyone glared at him. "What?"

"You've mentioned Chuck Norris twice in this Fanfic already. Do it again…" Naruto warned when he was hit in the head by Sakura. Suddenly, Rockstar appeared. Unlike every time else, they'd seen him, he wasn't smiling.

"Kakashi, you know what I must put Sasuke through." He said gravely. Kakashi nodded.

"Huh?" Everyone asked.

"My mission… is to help Sasuke get a girlfriend, and Inevitably get laid!"

DUH DUH DUHHHHH!!

_Is it True? Will Rockstar help the Slightly Emo Sasuke get laid? Will it be with a woman? Will Sasuke care? How is Haku still alive? Where's the awesome fight scenes? Why do you all hate this story?" All of these questions and more will be Ansewered (Indirectly) In future Chapters Of Sasuke may need some Help!_


	5. The Leged of Hinata!

Wow… Thanks to everyone that reviewed

Wow… Thanks to everyone that reviewed! Glad you liked it! Now… The Special! The Legend of Hinata! To celebrate a semi-decent Fanfiction!

The Legend of Hinata (LOZ parody)

_Long Ago, a heroic boy saved a princess from a Cliché' villain. This… is not that child._

"Sasuke." Itachi said.

"What? Where are you going Big brother?" Sasuke asked sleepily.

"I'm… going to see the princess. Don't leave the house." Itachi said as he left.

"… Snore…WHAT!" Sasuke screamed as he jumped up. Of course, his ceiling was low, so he hit his head again for the 4,396th time. "YOU MEAN THE REALY HOT PRINCESS HINATA! IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT!? ITAAACCCCCCHHHHHIIIII!!" He screamed as he left the house.

"Hey you! Kid! Get back in your house!" One of the soldier's of Loslave yelled as Sasuke.

"Can't! My brother is going to the castle!" Sasuke pointed out.

"So?" The random soldier asked.

"In the middle of the night… to see the princess…" Sasuke said slowly. The soldier's eyes widened.

"Oh #." he swore. Despite the fact this story is taking place sometime in the 1500's (probably) he whipped out his cell phone, and dialed the King's number.

"Hey? Your majesty? Sorry about waking you… but some guy named Itachi is going to see the Princess… Yeah. Sure Lord Hiashi."

"So? Is my brother busted and I can have my shot at the sexy lady Hinata?" Sasuke asked hopefully.

"No. I got fired. NOW DIE! THAT JOB IS THE BEST IN LOSLAVE!! NO ONE ELSE OFFERS DENTAL! NOW DIE!!" The Soldier chased Sasuke to the castle, where he fell in a hole and died. Sasuke frowned as he stared at the hole.

"HEY!" Shouted a fairy no one bothered to mention until now. "This is a secret passage into the castle!"

"Shut up Sakura." Sasuke murmured.

"HEY!" Sakura said indignantly. Just because Nintendo (and Megagamer) is making me follow you around, doesn't mean I'll do whatever you say!"

"Yeah, Yeah." Sasuke said in a bored expression as he jumped in the hole. Sakura rolled her eyes and followed.

"Now let's see… walls, a convenient pool of water at the bottom, a dying parent, we got lucky. We're not going to see Chris Houlihan. How'd he get in the game anyway?" Sasuke asked.

"Well… I don't know, but didn't you notice Fugaku dying as we came in?"

"What, you mean my father? Oh # Father what happened to you?"

"Sasuke…" Fugaku groaned out. "Itachi… did this to me."

"WHAT! That Teme!" Sasuke yelled.

"Listen closely… Holding the B button allows to charge up your sword."

"Yeah, but how did Itachi do this to you?" Sakura asked as she floated above him."

"He was being a nOOb and tried to see if he could kill random people with it. Apparently the spin attack allows you to kill people you couldn't kill otherwise because of Nintendo. That, and the fact he's going to try to kidnap Hinata."

"What!" Sasuke yelled. "THATSONUVA-"

"Save the princess Sasuke, you can do it! Hinata is your-"

"What?" Sakura asked.

"If he says 'Sister' I'm going to kill him!" Sasuke yelled as he pulled out his sword.

"Don't be ridiculous!" Sakura snapped. "You're not related to the Royal Family!"

"Then what the heck is he trying to say?" Sasuke asked.

"Hinata… is your Destiny…" Fugaku groaned out.

"Oh. I knew that." Sasuke said. Sakura slapped her forhead.

"Let's just go." She said.

"Yeah." Sasuke said eagerly. "With Uncle Dead, the King will have no choice but to marry Hinata off to me, to revive the legendary Uchiha clan."

"What about Itachi?" Sakura asked.

"He's going to die." Sasuke said simply.

"What about your uncle? If he lives, this plan won't work."

"I'll fix that." Sasuke said as he stabbed Fugaku. "Take that, you fatherly bastard!" Sakura looked on in horror as Fugaku died.

"WTF? What did you do that for? You killed him! Is it so you can kill Itachi?"

"No. Felt like doing that anyways. I did it so I could get my inheritance. I need to keep my Nintendo Power subscription and Dad wasn't paying my enough!"

"Okay…" Sakura said slowly. "Can we PLEASE go warn the princess that a lunatic is in the castle?"

"But why would we tell her that you're here? You're with me." Sasuke pointed out. Sakura sighed.

"Let's… just go."

Sasuke left the sewer things and killed a few guards for kicks. He approached the front door and stopped.

"What are you doing?" Sakura asked.

"Looking for the doorbell." Sasuke said as he ran his hands all over the door. He then decided that it wasn't here and decided to do something… Odd."

"HEY!" Sasuke yelled. "I got a Pizza, for a 'random Castle guard?"

"That is the stupidest thing I've ever heard! There's no way anyone would fall for…" Sakura began but then…

"Finally! We've been waiting for 20 years for the developers to put Pizza in here! Come on in!" The door opened. Sakura blinked. Then followed Sasuke inside.

"HEY! Your from Pizza Express! We wanted Dominoe's Dang it!" A random guard called out.

"I bet you put Pepperoini on it too! I wanted Sausages!" Another guard complained.

"Yeah!" Everyone screamed. "WHO ORDERED HUH?!"

"It was…" Sakura began, but was cut off by Sasuke.

"THE KING! He thinks he controls everything, INCLUDING Pizza delivery guys! He purposefully ordered the wrong Pizza's so you would suffer!"

"YAY! An excuse for a Revolution! Oh, and we threw the Princess in the dungeon! BYE!" everyone chourused, and they all went to the throne room to beat the crap out of the King.

"… Sasuke you're in idiot." Sakura said.

Movie theatre

"So true…" Sakura muttered as she munched on some popcorn.

"So… why are we watching this movie again?" Sasuke asked his Kakashi. Kakashi frowned.

"I don't know. I also don't know why that Fairy sounds like Sakura, and why the guy in the green tights looks like you.

"YOSH!" Gai shouted. "YOU HAVE DECIDED TO EMBRACE THE SPRINGTIME OF YOUTH!! (Infinite)

"Gai-Sensei!" Lee screamed

"LEE!" Gai screamed

"GAI-"

"SHUT UP! WE'RE WATCHING A MOVIE!!" Everyone yelled and started throwing popcorn at the green tight wearing men. Rockstar decided to change the subject.

"We're watching this because 1st, it is a good movie, 2nd, it has that hot princess from snow in it, 3rd, Sasuke's a dork, and 4th, I'm hoping this will help your 'training'."

"How's Sasuke doing anyway?" Naruto asked, trying to change the subject.

"Well… I going to have to find what kind of woman he desires, and that's going take a while… if he likes women at all."

"Would you stop that? I'm not gay!" Sasuke shouted.

"SHUT UP!" Everyone roared and threw popcorn at Sasga- I mean Sasuke.

"Another question: Why is Hinata holding my hand?" Naruto asked. Hinata quickly 'EEPED' and removed the hand. She had actually been surprised by Sasuke's antics, (In the movie) and had accidentally grabbed onto Naruto's hand. Yes they were sitting together. No, they weren't on a date. Rockstar frowned when he saw this exchange. They would make a good couple…

"Let's… just watch the movie." Sakura suggested. Everyone turned back to the big screen.

Movie Time!

"So… This is the dungeon?" Sasuke frowned. "Where's the ever -Sexy princess?"

"Would you stop that? I think she's dating someone." Sakura pointed out. Sasuke's eyes went wide.

"Itachi you Perverted Bastard! I called her! YouSonuva-"

"Hey Sasuke." Itachi said as Sasuke continued his rant.

"WTF? What are you doing? Shouldn't you be doing… whatever it is that Dad wouldn't tell me about?" Sasuke asked.

"Huh? Oh no. You misunderstood. I'm working for an organization (AKA: Obsessed Fan club) that is interested in Lady Hinata. So, I had to take some photographs. While she was asleep of course. We need to raise funds for the X-Ray Camera, which… You know."

"No I don't." Sasuke said confusedly. "Why would- Ohhhhh… So you are a perverted bastard."

"Yes." Itachi Said proudly. "And the Akatsuki will continue its noble work! I'll see you later."

"uhhh…. Okay." Sasuke said as itachi left.

"So… he's forgiven for almost killing your father right?"

"Nah. Still feel like killing him. But I'd probably break that camerea, who know's what's in there!"

"…"

"Wait, where's the key?" Sasuke asked. Suddenly. Thumping could be heard upsatairs.

"Is that from the throne room?" Sakura asked.

"Maybe the King got Laid." Sasuke suggested.

"… Did you forget that you started a revolution over a Pizza?"

"Oh.'

Upstairs

"So Tobi, you betrayed me!" Hiashi said. The captain, with his swirly mask thing, nodded.

"YEP! We wanted it to be over who got the princess, but Pizza works too!"

"Well… okay. I'm dead." With that, Hiashi fell over. In their victory, everyone jumped once. The floor broke. Everyone fell to their death's. A key with a heart on it flew out of Tobi's pocket and went to the direction of the dungeons…"

Dungeons

"That was convenient." Sakura muttered.

"Yeah. Itachi got me my inheritance, a camerea has lots of pictures of Hinata that Itachi will undoubtly show me later, and I caused a revolution. It's been a good fifteen minutes." Sasuke took the key that fell, and twisted it into the lock of the cell…"

_Well, Sasuke is about to meet Hinata! Will she like him? Will she slap him? Will the Akatsuki accomplish their goals? Is Itachi Really a perverted bastard? (yes) Find out these questions and more when we make the next chapter… some other time._

_Next Time, Everyone leave's the theatre due to the fact that it burned down. Rockstar attempts to find Sasuke's true love, Hinata is inevitably stalking Naruto, and Sakura is looking for someone to train her. Will Sasuke succedd? Will Hinata gain the attention she oh-so deserves? And will Sakura actually get stronger and actually fight? Who is the main antagonist? Is he cool? (yes) Is he original? (yes) Is everyone going to laugh at how they didn't see this coming? (Yes) Find out next time, on Sasuke may need some help!_


	6. Sasuke's Woes: Itachi's game is on!

Heh, Heh… Prepare for Quality Sasuke-bashing

Heh, Heh… Prepare for Quality Sasuke-bashing! (Literally, Sasuke gets seriously injured Physically, Mentally, Emotionally, Spiritually, and Uchihaly (??) This is mostly a filler chapter, explaining what the heck is going on. Expect a cliffhanger regarding the next mission. Heh Heh... You're going to love it!

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, or the song, "I got my game on on" (For clarification, wait until Itachi shows up)

Warning: Expect Several Pg-13 jokes. This Fic is rated T for a reason!

Chapter 6

Sasuke's Woe's, and Itachi's got his game on!

_Last time, Sasuke get Po'ed at how stupid the character that looked almost exactly like him, and burned down the entire movie theatre. After getting chased by angry movie fans, Critics, random Sasuke haters, and some guy in a bunny suit. Rockstar saves him, mostly because Tsunade would've done something extremely unpleasant if he didn't, and he has to teach Sasuke… stuff. Oh, and Naruto's clueless about Hinata and Sakura's looking for a sensei._

"Right… This Next question will determine your entire dream." Rockstar said dramatically.

"Yeah?" Sasuke asked, wondering as to how a question could effect killing Itachi.

"Are you gay?" Sasuke fell over.

"NO!" Sasuke screamed. "JUST BECAUSE A LOT OF PEOPLE THINK OROCHIMARU IS LIKE THAT, DOESN'T MEAN I AM!"

"Oh… Sasuke…" Rockstar said meekly.

"WHAT!" Sasuke screamed.

"Behind you…" Sasuke turned around and found…

"Oh Shoot."

"SASUKE! YOU LOVE NARUTO AND YOU KNOW IT!" The YAOI fangirl's screamed.

"… Does it ever occur to you that Sasuke needs a girl to revive the clan?" Rockstar pointed out.

"NO! HE CAN-"

"NO!" Rockstar screamed. "I- along with the author- Believe that doesn't happen. At all. We don't have the proper Organs Dang it!"

"We'll be back!" The Fangirls yelled as they left.

"They… wanted me… to do… THAT… with Naruto? And… get him… Oh Kisimato-Sama I'm gonna puke…" Sasuke said as he puked… on Rockstar's awesome hair.

"… You're going to suffer." Rockstar said evilly as storm clouds came over the sky…

Later, team seven bridge…

"YO!" Rockstar said as he popped out of nowhere. "I brought Sasuke."

"…" Sasuke said nothing, as he appeared to be unconisous.

"Sasuke? Did you take him to spy on Women in the Hot spring and leave him there when somebody shouted pervert?" Sakura asked, annoyed at Rockstar's attitude.

"I do that to Ero-Sennin all the time. Er… the part about shouting Pervert, not myself spying of course." Naruto said slightly afraid of Sakura's glare.

"Relax. I had to see if he was able to love women." Rockstar said casually, as he set Sasuke down. Question marks appeared above both teens heads. "Oh, and don't stand to close to him Naruto."

"Why?" Naruto asked ."What did you do?"

"Only the most idiotic Genjutsu I ever came up with, ever. Oddly enough, its variant is my coolest… but hey. Move. Before he…"

"Uhhh…" Sasuke groaned. He opened his eyes… and saw Naruto.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Sasuke screamed like a girl and punched Naruto off the bridge. Naruto, caught by surprise, took the hit. But being the underrated L33t ninja that he is, he landed on the railing.

"WTH was that for?" Naruto asked angrily.

"… I'd… rather not talk about it."

"He means to say, He puked. In my hair. I tortured him… By putting him in… ULTIMATE EVIL JUTSU! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Rockstar laughed maniacally. "I won't get into details… but let's just say Sasuke hates me for putting him through that."

"It's… worse than the mangeyou… it… was… THOSE IDIOTS! ONCE I FIND KISIMATO, I'M GOING TO FORCE HIM TO TELL EVERYONE THAT I'M NOT GAY!! I NEED TO REVIVE MY CLAN DANG IT! AND NO, THAT DOESN'T WORK EITHER! ALL OF YOU YAOI FANS OUT THERE, I'M NOT GAY!"

"Well... There goes my 30 ryo…" Sakura muttered.

"What was that?"

"Ah, Nothing." Rockstar decided to intervene.

"Right, if you're so Mad about it, you should read some REALISTIC pairings on !"

"Like what?" Sasuke asked rudely. "I went there once and all I saw were some perfect chick doing everything perfectly-"

"Like you do in the manga…" Naruto muttered.

"SasuNaru's, FemHaku's, NejiHina's-"

"Hey their cousins!" Naruto said angrily

"And Naruharems. Seriously, why don't I get Harems?"

"Really? I get Harems!" Naruto asked excitedly. A few seconds of silence… "HEY! You got a harem in Canon! Don't complain about it!"

"Yeah. Why didn't you mention Sasuke bashing though?" Rockstar asked.

"Who would bash me? I'm a total kick butt!" Sasuke yelled.

"… Everyone who thinks the manga sucks because of you." Sakura said.

"Oh…" Sasuke frowned. "Anyway, enough 4th wall breaking for now, what the heck am I supposed to do now?"

"Well… Find a girl you like! Since I know you want someone who was never a fan girl of yours, that narrows it down to… one girl."

"REALLY?" Sasuke asked with stars in his eyes. (A/N: is it just me, or is that creepy to imagine?) "She must be Kisimato's idea for my pairing!"

"… I can't remember a single instant in which she uttered your name. I don't think so."

"Who- Oh. This… is going to suck." Sasuke muttered.

"Who are you talking about?" Naruto asked, oblivious as usual.

"But… even though she's hot… and more devolped then most girls…" Sasuke got slapped by Sakura, and then continued. "I… think her dad hates me."

"Don't forget the fact that if this pairing happens in canon, the Author will join a crazy organization to kill Kisimato."

"Darnit… even the author is against me..."

"So… who is she?" Sakura asked. She was ignored of course.

"All right, here's the plan…"

Somewhere in Konaha…

"ACHOO! Oh… I'm Sorry…" Hinata said. Kiba just laughed.

"Someone must be talking about you! But the number of sneezes, they must be plotting to seduce you or something." Kiba said jokingly.

"…" Shino said.

Hinata wondered if that might be Naruto, then that led to some M-rated stuff you might find in an Icha Icha novel. Or… send the master pervert himself in a giant nosebleed himself. Your choice. Hinata blushed and hoped that Kisimato would stop all of his crap about the sharingan and just get them together already… Not really. Sorry. Taking advantage of someone here won't happen again!

"So… what do we want to do now?" Kiba asked himself. "Stupid Sasuke… burning down a perfectly good movie theatre."

"We… could-"Hinata was interrupted by someone who looked like Naruto… Except his entire personality suggested…

'Drop the Henge Sasuke." Shino said flatly. Sasuke cursed as he ran away.

"What was that all about?"Kiba wondered out loud.

"_No… NO! The author isn't trying to make this into a SasuHina story… is he?" Hinata thought to herself nervously. "Everyone hates NaruHina's, because we get together in a chapter or so… Even I hate those poorly written fanfics. I need love. Naruto..." _

"You know, I think Sasuke might like you Hinata!" Kiba said cheerfully…. Then Hinata burst into tears and ran away.

"…" Kiba said.

"It's a common fact that men will never understand Women… ever." Shino said flatly before walking away.

"HEY! Just because Sasuke likes you doesn't mean that's the- Ah dang it. I'm so going to get it by-"As Kiba turned around, he saw Kurenai. A large sweat drop appeared on his head.

"Oh… Crap…"

"You have some explaining to do." Kurenai said calmly.

"It wasn't my fault!" Kiba protested. "Sasuke came up to us Henged as Naruto, and then he ran away. I told Hinata that I thought Sasuke liked her, and then she burst into tears."

"… I blame Rockstar. He is SO going to get it…"

"Why don't we blame Itachi instead?" Kiba suggested. "Sasuke would be a lot cooler if it weren't for that guy." Some random guy across the street sneezed. Kiba blinked.

"Did you see that?" Kiba asked.

"Yes… Itachi." Kurenai stated. The man sneezed again.

"Woof!" Akamaru barked. (Translation: Itachi) the man sneezed again.

"Okay…so there's an S-class missing Nin right there… What's he doing?" Kiba asked.

(Itachi POV)

I stopped sneezing. Dang, that brother of mine needs to get a life. "Oh, I'm the last Uchiha, gimme all your jutsu's so I can kill my brother Itachi. Itachi! DIE ITACHI!" It's stupid. Why does he have exist anyway? And…. Kisimato had him kill me in canon! What's his problem? I bet the Sasuke fan club is threatening him or something and he'll release what REALLY happened later. Yeah… that's it…

Oh. You're wondering why I'm in Konaha? It's simple really…

**Flashback**

Leader-Sama looked up. I swear, he was actually the yondaime. Dang you Kisimato, why are you so Unpredictable?"

"So. Itachi. You want time off… why again?"

"Err… it's embarrassing to say this… But I need a girlfriend."

"??"

"Yeah. You're wondering why. Well… it's because Sasuke's going to get himself killed coming after me. So I need to continue on the Uchiha name."

"I know THAT. But… You murdered your clan."

"Huh? Oh THAT. That was because Father tried to get me married… within the clan. Bastard. They signed me off and everything! Shisui got jealous and attacked me. I killed him and dumped in the river. I activated the Ultimate Sharingan. The clan TRIED to make me get laid… I was THIRTEEN DANG IT! I got Po'ed and called the clan a bunch of inbred idiots. And yeah, I was sane. They got mad, and tried to get me executed. Tried being the key word. I killed them all… They all sucked! Sasuke came and, since I'm a good brother, told him to kill me. You know… to give him a purpose? I joined you guy's cuz I like the cloaks. Very Fashionable."

"… Fine."

"YES!"

**End Flashback**

And Now, I'm on my way to see a man I haven't seen for… well, technically a few months ago, but we were enemies then so it doesn't count. I called ahead, and prepared for one WILD ride.

Later…. (And back to third person)

Itachi sat reading a magazine while corny music played in the background. He was in a rather large room, and it was almost entirely in white. They were a few nurses milling around, but the front desk one was the one he was waiting on.

"Yes Doctor. I'll send him in." the young nurse got up, and in a few strides, was in front of Itachi. Leaning down, she spoke 7 words that would change Itachi's life forever.

"The Love Doctor will see you now."

5 minutes later…

Itachi sat, facing the back of a big leather chair.

"So you want to meet girls." The man stated. It wasn't a question.

"Uhhh… A girl. If you don't mind… I see her every now and then where she works…" Itachi said nervously. This man… RADIATED Sexiness. Itachi knew he could help him in his goals.

"Well look at yourself son! You ain't even trying!" The man said spinning around in his chair.

"Well… I kinda only have 2 weeks off… it took three days to get here. I need… well, a personality overhaul I guess." Hitachi said awkwardly.

"Three conditions. Number one: Commitment to action."

"Sure." Itachi said.

"Two: You do whatever I say."

"Gotcha." Itachi nodded.

"Three: Money up front, no refunds."

"… Shoot."

The man got up from his chair. "What you need son, is a positive role model to learn from." He picked up a magazine and showed him the cover. "There he is."

Itachi blinked. Standing in the middle of Medical monthly was the man, with his arm around a blonde woman, in clear print, saying:

**Sexiest man Alive: Master Jiraiya.**

Music started to play. Itachi blinked again. Jiraiya walked over to the mirror and snapped is fingers. Light's came on all around the thing. Then he started singing.

_I step Out of the shower, steaming up the place. _

_Wipe off the mirror: Shave my baby face. _

_Can't help but smile, hey what can I say,_

_I got my Game on_

Before Itachi knew it, he somehow was whisked away to a different room, where beautiful women examined him. He got the eerie impression that they were checking him out. Jiraiya seemed to be enjoying himself.

_Put on my black silk Shirt, My armini Suit,_

_My Custom made Hat, My alligator Boats._

_Slip my Rings on my fingers. My new shades Ohh, _

_I got my game on. _

_Yeah, I got my game on,_

_Better hang on tight, _

_I guarantee it's going to be a heck of a ride,_

_I got my groove on; I got my smooth on,_

_You ladies better watch out tonight!_

Itachi turned around. He was dressed awesomely in a suit, alligator boats, a cowboy hat, and he and Jiraiya turned around, put on their sunglasses, and sang at the same time.

_I got my game on_!

"Got a cool car right?"

"Yeah." Itachi answered

"Where'd you get the money? You had trouble paying me!"

"Uhhh…"

Akatsuki hideout

"ITACHI! WHERE'S MY CAR! AND MY MONEY!" Kakazu screeched.

Office

"I… Don't want to talk about it."

"Anyway, where'd you say she worked again?"

Later… at a place you have to know if you call yourself a Naruto fan…

"Okay… Go and get her!" Jiraiya cheered. Itachi nodded as he went into (A/n: SURPRISE!) Ichiraku's Ramen shop.

Now, I WOULD Explain what happened next… but it's… difficult to put into words. Basically, Itachi Broke dance for no good reason, and Ayame got in the car with him and drove off…. Leaving The Perv behind.

"…. Dang. He's good. This was just a scam!" Jiraiya muttered before walking home.

_I GOT MY GAME ON!_

The Next day…

"Sasuke, you keep twitching." Sakura said. "What's wrong?"

Sasuke looked around nervously. Lowering his voice to a whisper, he said: "Something concerning my brother that I know is going to bite my in the butt in 7 years or so. But I don't know what."

"GUYS!" Naruto Skidded in front of the two Lov- I mean comrades.

"What is it?" Sakura asked.

"Hinata's been Kidnapped! They have her on an island called Sorna!"

_Gasp! Who kidnapped Hinata? What is this thing that's going to bite Sasuke in the butt later? Why is Itachi so Awesome? Find out all these ansers and more… Next time!_


	7. Hinata's Diary! Oh, and Isla Sorna

Last Time, on Sasuke may need help…

_A/N: _ This chapter, Hinata makes some REALLY Weird comments. It's in her diary. It's in her point of view, so don't be offended if she insults Naruto pairings.

_Last Time, on Sasuke may need help…_

_Sasuke attempted to steer Hinata away from Naruto, only to get very embarrassed. More importantly, Itachi got laid! Errr… that's not it… Oh Yeah! Hinata got kidnapped and taken to… Jurassic Park?_

"HUH! HINATA GOT KIDNAPPED!" Neji screamed. Everyone covered their ears and sweat dropped at Neji's uncharectistic yelling.

"Well… That sucks." Haku stated, having no idea what was going on, or who Hinata was for that matter.

"YEA- Hey… what are you doing here anyway?" Naruto asked Haku.

"You didn't hear?" Haku asked. Naruto shook his head. "Well…" Haku pointed to his forehead. "I'm a Konaha ninja now!"

"WHAT? Wait, if you're going to join, PLEASE tell us why you were trying to kill Itachi?" Sasuke begged, not wanting anyone else to steal his brother's murder. (??)

"Well…" Haku started

_Flashback_

_Haku was walking around a town for no good reason. He was trying to figure out how the heck he survived a ball of lightning in his chest. He passed a restaurant, and decided to order some Pocky. Itachi came in, stole the pocky, Laughed like a maniac, then jumped out the window._

"… _Someday, Itachi Uchiha, YOU WILL PAY!" Haku screamed to the heavens as lightning flashed in the background…despite the fact that there wasn't a cloud in sight._

_End Flashback._

Everyone sweat dropped at Haku's "Tale of Woe."

"Well… Okay…"Tsunade muttered. "Now… All of you!"

Naruto, Sasuke, Haku, Kakashi, Neji, Gai, Lee, Tenten, Shino, Kiba, and Kurenai, stood at attention.

"Now… for some weird reason, Hinata has been kidnapped. Fortunately, we have a witness. Unfortunately, he's a dirty son of a-"

"HEY!" Rockstar yelled as he jumped out of nowhere. 'What did I miss?"

"Nothing. Tell us what you saw. Oh, and while your at it, explain why you didn't do anything." Tsunade instructed.

"Okay…. It all started when-"

_Flashback_

_Rockstar was bored. So he decided to break into the Hyuuga compound and start a concert. Hiashi wouldn't care… as long as he got drunk enough to forget about it afterwards. Rockstar walked through the hall's, wondering why he didn't get caught yet. (Actually, it's because no one had the Byagugan activated, they all are such idiots they think that someone else is always using there's to check for intruders, but no one ever does) When he decided to be a weirdo and look into Hinata's room. Rockstar somehow got in, made sure Hinata was asleep, and found several things that Rockstar knew would make Hiashi MAD if he found out about it. (Were those Naruto's Boxers?) Anyway, Rockstar found a black book, Labeled: "MY DIARY! DO NOT READ! IF YOU DO, I'LL BAN YOU FROM THE COMPOUND! - Hinata._

_Rockstar wasn't invited into the compound in the first place, so he picked up the diary for Kicks._

"_Woah… This is Gold!" Rockstar giggled evilly as he realized that the diary was 97 Percent ranting about Naruto. _

_October 10__th__, _

_It's Naruto-kun's birthday! I'm going to get him a present! What should I get? Goggles? Ramen? MY Virg- Oops. Naruto wouldn't want to do that with me… would he?_

_End Entry_

_October 11__th__,_

_I had such a nice dream about Naruto… I wish we could dream together..._

_End entry_

_October 12__th__,_

_Sasuke must die. All those patheric fangirls, after the biggest Emo in the history of emo's… But… maybe it's because that Sakura chases Sasuke hopelessly that makes Naruto love her? Maybe if I… NO! I will not sink to their Level! I will have Naruto! Not by making him jealous! Here's my plan… once Sasuke is dead, the fangirl's will have no choice but to go after Naruto. It's in their nature. Then, he will realize I am superior, to them! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Oh, and Naruto, if your reading this, this entry is a joke. (Kinda)_

_End Entry_

_November 2__nd__,_

_Sorry for not updating. I was just on the internet reading fanfics. Who in their right mind would support NaruIno? If that's what Kisimato-sama is planning behind my back… OH HE WILL PAY! Even worse, are NaruSasu's. Sure, Sasuke probably would if given the chance, But Naruto would never sink that low. _

_End Entry_

"_MWAHAHAHAHA!" Rockstar laughed evilly. But then, he realized he laughed evilly and woke up the whole compound. They all ran… to the other side of the building. Idiots. Hinata woke up also, But Rockstar put a genjutsu on her to make her go back to sleep. Suddenly, a black figure jumped through the window._

"_HEY! Can I… "Borrow" her for a sec?" the guy asked._

"_Oh sure. Do whatever you want. Home run, whatever." Rockstar said dismissively as he left the room to prepare for his show._

_End Flashback._

"HEY! Why would Hinata be too embarrassed to give me her Virginian Tea Set? I'd love to spend some time with her!" Everyone's favorite idiot exclaimed.

Everyone sweatdropped, and wondered the same thing (Except for Sasuke, he was thinking: "YOU LUCKY BASTARD!) _Is he really this Dense? THE DIARY WAS ABOUT HIM DANG IT!_

"Well… Errr…" Kakashi started. "How do we know she got taken to… Sorna was it?"

"That bastard left a note." Tsunade said pointing to the note in question. TenTen picked it up and began to read.

"Dear Leaf Bastards," Tenten began. "I have kidnapped the Hyuuga Heiress. I'm such a badass. Either that or your security sucks. But that's beside the point! If you don't give me ALL the scrolls from the Namikaze estate, (Which includes THAT Technique) I will kill her. After I… do my thing of course. I will be waiting for you on Isla Sorna, somewhere around Costa Rica. It's one of "The Five Deaths", so don't die!

Sincerely,

" TenTen was done.

"Wait, so He signed his name in WINGDINGS?" Sasuke asked. "Who can read that crap?"

"I could probably have it translated…" Rockstar muttered. "But it would take to long. He can't be very smart, because those wingdings actually represent his name."

"Right… this mission is A-Class, under the assumption that Kumo is behind this somehow." Tsunade said.

"That doesn't make sense." Haku stated. Everyone started at him.

"Care to clarify?" Kurenai asked.

"If I must." Haku straightened himself a little. "I mean, they would have taken her straight to Kumo if they were behind it. I don't believe that they would think that anywhere besides home is not a good idea. Kumo would want her IN the village to act… for lack of a better word… a breeder. Kumo wants the Byagugan. And they want it badly."

Everyone was quiet for a moment. Except the one guy we all hate.

"Sharingan is better. I'll be hit be a meteor before anyone says otherwise!" Sasuke yelled. Then he got hit by a meteor.

"… Dude, you suck." Kiba said bluntly. Sasuke got up, with his sharingan blasing.

"WHA DID YOU SAY BI-"

"SHUT UP!" Tsunade roared. Everyone shut up. "Now…" She said more cordially. "Who is best suited for this mission?"

"Well…. Not me." Rockstar said. "I still have to help Sasuke get a girlfriend."

"But he has to redeem himself too." Tsunade countered. "You and Sasuke are going, that's final."

"I'd Recommend Naruto, Haku, and Myself." Kakashi stated. "For combat specialists. I don't like the sound of these, "Five Deaths'."

"Kiba and I are going." Shino said quietly. "We should be able to find Hinata."

"Yes… this is a good team. Since there are seven of you… Kakashi, your team leader, commanding over Sasuke, Naruto, and Rockstar-"

"WHAT!" Rockstar shouted in horror. "I'M A JOUNIN! I DESERVE TO BE THE OTHER LEA-"

"You have shown you can't be trusted." Tsunade said firmly. "I should've kicked you out of the entire system. Be thankful. The other team is a 3-man squad, of Kiba, Shino, and Haku. I'm not exactly sure of Haku's talents just yet, so Shino, you're in charge."

"… Fine." Shino said calmly.

"We're leaving… right now. Let's go!"

"…" everyone suddenly noticed that Neji was passed out on the floor.

"I wondered why he shut up all of a sudden…" Kakashi muttered before assigning him to Shino's squad.

Isla Sorna

"I'm REALLY sick of these things. Last time it was Metal gear Crossover, this time we're HERE of all places!" Rockstar yelled.

"Calm down." Kakashi stated. "We'll find Hinata and get out of here."

"Why don't we get the Namikaze scrolls again?" Naruto asked. "I mean, it would save us a fight…" Everyone stopped and stared at Naruto. "What?" he asked.

Neji got into his Jyuuken stance and hit Naruto.

"What was that for?"

"Naruto loves to fight… Not to mention, he's not that smart. Who are you?"

"Wow. Your smart." The Naruto look-alike stated before transforming… into HIASHI??

"WTF!!" Everyone screamed.

"It is true! I will save my daughter!" Hiashi said as he took the, "Nice guy" Pose. Everyone sweatdropped.

"Hiashi-sama… Where is Naruto?" Kakashi asked.

"Well… I told him to get the…"

"Hey sensei!" Naruto popped up out of nowhere. "I was at the Namikaze estate. Can you teach me how to do the Hirashin?"

Everyone was silent. Naruto blinked.

"What did I do?"

"How did you get those scrolls? The safe has a blood seal, so only a Namikaze can get in." Kakashi stated.

"… It was open." Naruto said. Everyone gasped.

"WHAT!" Kakashi screamed. He grapped Naruto. "WHAT WAS TAKEN?"

"Uhhh… the scroll that was on the "family history" shelf was missing… so yeah." Naruto stuttered out. "Uhh… Kakashi…"

"WHAT?" Kakashi snarled.

"Look at everyone else…"

Kakashi turned around, and saw everyone else staring at a DINOSAUR!

_Next time, who is the wingding guy? Does anyone care? Why did he kidnap Hinata when the safe was open? Did Hinata really put those things in her diary? Find out all these ansers and more (Except the part about Hinata) In the next Chapter of Sasuke may need help!_


	8. A chatspeaking, NejiHina Noob

Last time, on Sasuke may need help…

_Last time, on Sasuke may need help…_

_Gasp! The plot is about to thicken! The main bad guys are going to be introduced! Oh… hang on…Yeah. About last time, The Hinata retrieval team successfully made it to Jurassic park's infamous Site B. It turns out, Hiashi Hyuuga was pissed off at the guy who took his daughter, so he impersonated Naruto, who showed up later saying that the Namikaze's family history scroll was taken. WTF is going on? Oh, and they're about to be eaten by a Dinosaur._

"… Crap." Kakashi stated.

"… Well… Since we have Hiashi… We can leave the dead weight behind." Shino mused.

"Yeah… That Bastard must really…" Rockstar began, but he suddenly noticed everyone else was gone. Rockstar Sweatdropped.

"We're going ahead!" Naruto shouted from the treetops. "We're going to the research facilty!"

"… Fine." Rockstar muttered. He faced the Tyrannosaur and took out his Guitar.

"ROCK ON!" He shouted.

Research Facilty

"Okay… This place looks abandoned…" Kiba muttered. Kicking some random junk. "I don't smell Hinata's scent anywhere."

"Hmmm… Neji. Hiashi. You see anything?" Kakashi asked.

"No." Neji stated. Hiashi shook his head.

"This Sucks…" Sasuke muttered. "If that bastard touches her-"

"Hey, Sasuke, quit whining and start working!" Naruto called. He turned around, and saw a velociraptor.

"…" The raptor said.

"…" Naruto said nothing.

The raptor stared at Naruto for a while, then jumped at him! But Sasuke, being an idiot, picked up a dart gun for no reason, and accidently pulled the trigger. It hit the Velociraptor, and cried out in pain. Shino then popped out of nowhere.

"My bugs are eating it from the inside already… it would've been dead by the time it reached Naruto." Shino said emotionlessly.

"Why didn't you tell us they're was a dinosaur in here?" Naruto Demanded.

"Because that would've been a lie."

"huh?" Sasuke asked.

"I mean, there's more than one."

Suddenly, all the raptor's in the building fell over dead in their various hiding spots. Naruto and Sasuke stared in awe. Everyone else (Except Shino) was just surprised.

"Yep. I still got it." Shino murmured before looking around somewhere else.

Suddenly, the underground theme for Super Mario Bros played in the background.

"HEY! What's with the lame music?" Kiba shouted. Suddenly, a man appeared.

"LOL! Do U Kno Who I am? " The Guy said. Everyone sweatdropped.

"Do we Care?" Kakashi asked.

"You Should." The guy said as he made a hand sign. "My name is Flamerupper. I'm that guy who keeps burning dose NaruHina vid's on YouTube!"

"What is he talking about?" Hiashi asked.

"Oh Yeh, I Also mak NejiHina vid's! ROFL! Lmao Loling Copter!"

"What the… Who the hell is this guy!" Sasuke demanded.

"PRPar 2 B PWNED NOOBZ!" Flamerupper shouted as flames came from his body. "YOU! THAT'S RIGHT! THE NERDY GUY IN FRONT OF THE COMPUTER! YOU CAN'T WRITE FANFICTION WORTH CRAP! THIS FANFIC MADE MY EYES BLEED! AND ALSO-"

"Okay, who IS this guy." Sasuke asked again. Everyone turned to Shino. Shino sighed.

"He appears to be a forty year old man without a girlfriend, who frequently flames people on the internet for no good reason. He also appears to worship horrible pairings that will never happen such as NejiHina." Shino explained over Flamerupper's shouts.

"AND HAKU'S A GIRL U BEEOTCH! WHY NOBODY SAW THAT SMEXY TING I DON'T-"

"… I specifically said I was a guy. In canon. If you think I'm a girl…. I hate you." Haku said to the crowd.

"WHAT! R U Listening-" Flamerupper flame's were dying down. Nobody was quite sure why.

"My guess?" Shino asked as everyone looked at him again. "The author just ignored him. So he's all tuckered out."

"Okay You cheapass son of a bitch! Where's my daughter!" Hiashi yelled at Flamerupper, picking him up and slamming him against the wall.

"WTF? Wher's my bakup? Thos Pwnsome LEET ppl should've ben her…" Flamerupper muttered, still using poor chatspeak.

"ANSWER ME BITCH!" Hiashi yelled as he shook FlamerUpper.

"Fine… Da boss wanted the Hirashin scroll because it's a Kickass jutsu. He sent his second in command to get it, but since she's an idiot… she took the damn Family scroll!"

"Who's your boss!" Hiashi demanded.

"Ask him yourself. He's up there."

"Oh Shi-"

With Rockstar

Rockstar left the clearing, having heard enough of 'Dino Karoake.' They all sucked. Especially that Velociraptor trying to impersonate Carrie Underwood… Rockstar shook his head, and looked up at the sky.

"Oh Crap. I did NOT see this coming."

With Orochimaru

"Damn It all! That bastard is ripping off my style!"

"Uhhh… Orochimaru… that man was invented before you-"

"Not until Goblet of Fire was his character design revealed! And he ripped off my #&# STYLE! CURSING LITTLE BOYS! STRIVING TO BE IMMORTAL! #&# SNAKES OCCASIONALLY! THAT MAN WILL Di-"

"What about Solid Snake?"

"What about him?"

"Uhh… Isn't he trying to kill you for stealing that military crap?" Kabuto asked.

"Pish. He can't do anything to me!"

"Why not?"

Because…. I am the Chuck Norris of Snakes!" Orochimaru announced proudly.

"…"

With Akatsuki

"WHAT THE (#&!!" Hidan Swore. "YOU'RE THE # Leader! You can't just # use your shitty other bodies to # play in the SSBB Tournament SIX # TIMES!"

"I'm the leader. I'm also-" Pein began, but Hidan snorted.

"Yeah. Don't get all religious on me…"

"What the…" Kisame had just walked into the room, and noticed that Hidan was arguing with Leader.

"Religious? I'm a god. That's not religious."

"It's not? Calling yourself a god is called self-fanastism bitch!"

"So? Fanfiction author's do it all the time!" Pein Argued.

"And they get flamed!"

"Megagamer can get away with it!"

"That's because no one reads his # fanfics!"

"Why You-"

"Have you seen Itachi?" Kisame interrupted.

"No." Hidan said.

"I gave him two weeks off. Something about girl problems…"

"Of course he has Shitty girl problems!" Hidan exclaimed. "Orochimaru wanted Itachi to # him.

"I thought he wanted him for his body." Kisame said, confused.

"That's what I #&# said Bitch!" Hidan yelled.

"When's he getting back?" Kisame asked Leader. Pein frowned.

"My all knowing self... says 3 seconds."

3 seconds later…

"Do do, do do do, do…" Itachi hummed as he skipped into the Akatsuki hideout, followed by Tobi and Zetsu, who were arguing if it was really Itachi or not.

"Honestly… Tobi, your almost as bad as the NaruSaku fans." Zetsu's white half complained. **"Your Evidence sucks."** His black side piped in.

"No! It must be Itachi! Something good must have happened! GASP! Do you think Itachi Believes that Tobi is a good boy?" Tobi asked hopefully.

"That's crazy! Who would think that-"

"Hey Tobi." Itachi said as he skipped over, throwing flowers around. "You're a good boy, we don't you decorate the base?" Tobi's eyes shone with excitement.

"YES! TOBI WILL PROVE HE IS A GOOD BOY!" And with that, he left.

"Itachi… what is wrong with you?" Kisame asked. Itachi smiled creepily at his partner in Akatsuki.

"Nothing…"

"Apparently, he got laid." Zetsu informed Kisame. **"The guy was # her brains out, apparently."** The black side chuckled.

"He's this cheerful… Why?"

"We're not sure." Zetsu admitted. **"We think it might have to do with the fact that he heard a rumor Sasuke dies in fifty manga chapters or so."** Kisame's eye's widened.

"Really? Who kills him?"

"Some guy named Madara."

"Madara? What kind of PUSS name is that?"

"**He's the Mizukage."**

"… Oh…."

Back with Hiashi, Naruto, Sasuke, and everyone else we don't really care about…

"What the… WHO ARE YOU!" Naruto screamed at the man above them whose face was conveniently hidden in shadow.

"I? I am a member of the seven signs of horrible Fanfiction. That bastard you just beat up represents flamers, who can't write worth crap. I represent crappy plot twists, that make no sense. At all. I warn you, when I reveal myself, You will hate the author because he sucked, and didn't foreshadow my arrival."

"Where's Hinata?" Neji screamed.

"Do you truly care? I thought you hated the main family?"

"Psh… Did you watch the chunin exam final's or what? I kicked his ass." Naruto scoffed.

"No need to brag, Naruto." Kakashi said to his student. "Now… who are you?"

"I could reveal myself through a dramatic speech…" the man mused. "But the author sucks, and I should get this over with."

"What the…" Hiashi couldn't breath.

"It's you!" Kakashi said, wide-eyed.

"Yes! It is I! Hi-"

"Wait, you look a lot like Hiashi." Sasuke interrupted. "Are you his clone or something? I'd like a clone. Then I could clone my family back, and stop being so angsty. And stop sucking in the Manga, but that's not the point."

"Okay… the author really does suck… foreshadowing my big appearance when I'm making my introduction? FINE! IT IS I, HIZIASHI HYUUGA!"

_Wait... WHAT! How is that guy still alive? Didn't he die like… a long time ago? Why was Rockstar worried about this guy? Why was Flammerupper such a Noob? Why is Itachi so cheerful? And Why does Kisame think Madara's name is Pussy? Find out next time (Except the part about Kisame) On Sasuke may need help!_


End file.
